Wednesday, April 10, 2013

We run shit

Beards don't have any respect for authority.  Authority has respect for beards.  That is why UNLIMITED CAMPAIGN FUNDS await any fucking bearded politician who wished to assume his rightful place in the hierarchy of the shiny American democratic system.  Just fucking grow a beard and you win the Congress.  That's how we roll.

(Women are allowed in Congress, as a "niche.")

Thursday, March 08, 2012

MAN BEARD: Alexander Lukashenko

Alexander Lukashenko recently responded to a gay German's claim that he is a dictator by saying that it is "better to be a dictator than to be gay."  This Belarusian billionaire, previously slandered as "bizarre" and "disturbed" by (blatantly jealous) American officials, is obviously MAN BEARD BLOG's newest Man Beard.

First of all, don't complain that his moustache doesn't qualify as a beard.  MAN BEARD BLOG has long recognized that certain professions require minimal facial hair.  Political and military leaders are often expected to be clean shaven; under such constraints, displaying a high precision moustache like Lukashenko's is a manful way to salvage dignity - and Man Beard eligibility.

Lukashenko's claim to Man Beardhood isn't derived primarily from facial hair, but from his impressive resume of other Man Beard accomplishments.  The fact is that Lukashenko beautifully exemplifies nearly all primary and secondary Man Beard traits.  Aside from his world-renowned queer stomping (a prized Man Beard trait), he must surely have put thousands of women in their place on the way to earning commendation condemnation from the European Union for human rights violations.  Shortly after rising to power he disbanded previous government structures and replaced them with an assembly of his loyal followers, and later did the same with the central bank.  That's not pure regicide, but it ain't fucking bad, is it?  His brutal consolidation of power has put him in God-like control of his country, and his love of song suggests artistic creativity.

The induction of Lukashenko makes him the second brutal dictator to earn official Man Beard status, joining his friend, the late Saddam Hussein.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Man Beards: The Beards

Bearded Dave from Ireland recently wrote to alert Man Beard Blog to the fine work of The Beards, an Australian folk-rock band that exclusively perform songs about just one subject: Beards. Holy shit! These guys are everything that rock stars should be! Every member of this band is a Man Beard, without a doubt.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Man Beard Blog: new lows?

These are the kinds of emails you get when you run MAN BEARD BLOG:

Dear Adspar,

Men's grooming is no longer exclusive to a guy's face – as we see everyday in celebrity images, male grooming now encompasses everything from the hair on their toes to the cowlick on their heads, and everywhere in between. Celebrities today offer a wide range of male grooming examples: Jake Gyllenhaal with his sexy stubble, David Beckham with his smooth pecs, Diddy and his affinity for manscaping, etc.

Philips Norelco is proud to step up to this total body grooming trend with a line of products that allows men to customize the full gamut of their body hair. Here are two of the newest grooming tools to help men achieve a sexy, customized look.

Philips Norelco Stubble Trimmer is the first of its kind in the United States and allows men to maintain a signature level of facial hair with unbelievably precise cutting.The perfect stubble, normally, is nearly impossible to maintain without a constant routine of shaving, growing, shaving, growing, but now this sexy look can be easily achieved and maintained with the introduction of the Philips Norelco Stubble Trimmer - available August 13.

Though guys can usually find any excuse to avoid the barbershop, they can now customize their look in the ease and comfort of their own homes. The Philips Norelco 180 Degree Clipper has a head that rotates for easy DIY hair cuts - even in the hard to reach places around the neck and ears. Hair length can also be fully customized with 10 adjustable length settings and 2 combs - for either an even buzz cut or just a little off the top.

Dean Holcombe, Creative Director at Cutler Salons in NYC, is available to discuss the fully flaring stubble trend, as well as give tips on how to most effectively use the hair clippers.

Please let me know if you are interested in scheduling a meeting with Dean or would like more information on either of the products.


Tanya Rynders
Assistant Account Executive
1675 Broadway, New York, NY 10019