Beard + Science = HalfBeard

Wow. Thanks to reader Mox for pointing out this stunning example of irrationally exuberant Beard Science. Needless to say, Man Beard Blog salutes this emerging discipline, and commends this gentleman on his fine contributions.



He gets special recognition for this gem (emphasis added):

Although I've determined that it felt warmer with a beard, no analytical tests were performed. I did not determine skin temperatures. It is quite possible that I had only thought I felt warmer. I suggest that a better test would be to shave half a person's beard off, but not tell them which half. This would give a fairer test of warmth.

Quite right. The integrity of the experiment demands that the subject be unaware of the variables being tested, thus avoiding any potential beard-bias. My only improvement on this would be that the experimenter would also have to be unaware which side of the person's face was shaved, or if the face is shaved at all. This would best be accomplished by recruiting a few dozen beards and hiring an impartial third party to randomly shave the left side of 25% of the beards, the right side of 25%, the entire beard of 25%, and none of the remaining 25%. The neutral third party shaver and the control groups of full-beards and no-beards make it completely impossible for the subjects or the experimenters to know which sides are shaved, insuring that the experiment is perfectly double-beard-blind. It is important that neither the subjects nor the shaver be a Man Beard, since this would a present an obvious conflict of interests and a potential source of bias.

If anyone conducts this experiment, Man Beard Blog will gladly publish your results. Onward Beard Science!

Man Beard: Charles Darwin

Of all the great historical scientific Man Beards, Charles Darwin is by far the one this post is about. Darwin is a prime exhibit of 3 primary Man Beard characteristics, any one of which by itself would have likely earned him Man Beard status:

1. Beards: Darwin is famous for his bushy Old Man Beard. Take a few minutes to gaze at the picture of Darwin. Drink in his flowing white evolutionary goodness; such bearded magesty should be savored.
   
2. Regicide: Darwin killed God with the release of his 1859 masterpiece, On the Origin of Species, which proposed evolution by common descent as the natural explanation of the diversity of life on earth. Since deicide is the ultimate form of regicide, Darwin's accomplishment ranks high among the all time Man Beard accomplishments.
3. Divinity: Darwin was the earthly founder and is the central character of worship of followers of Darwinism, a faith-based scientific religion to which most modern biologists adhere. They proclaim Darwin as their own personal god, who answers their theories with evolutionary fact.

Darwin might also have a claim to other Man Beard traits. It seems highly likely that Darwin also possessed testicles of unusual size, given that he fathered at least 10 legitimate children, though Man Beard Blog has been unable to obtain access to his autopsy report to validate this claim. It could also be argued that his theory of evolution is a manifesto of queer-stomping because it proves that queers are an evolutionary dead end. But many modern experts of evolution point out that the very existence of modern homosexuals disproves Darwin, so let's just avoid that subject. We're not here to trample the man's grave, we're here to celebrate his beard and his Man Beard induction!