If The Big Aristotle devotes himself to bearding the way The Real Aristotle did, Man Beard Blog will devote 11 consecutive posts on 11 consecutive days to the glory of the Shaqbeard.
Do you hear that, Diesel? I know you've received many honors for basketballing and crime-fighting and weight-loss, but have you ever been featured in 11 consecutive Man Beard Blog posts? That's right. So grow a fucking awesome Shaqbeard and wear it for this whole season.
Man up.
Beard down.
"The guy is so tough I think his beard could beat up Nowitzki."
Quite right.
Man Beard Pirate Professor PZ Myers is on yet another deicidal rampage. Man Beard Blog has concluded that PZ is likely attempting to usurp God as the universe's supreme supernatural force, possibly in an effort to raise his Leonidas score (yet to be formally unveiled) by increasing his divinity factor.
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Man Beard Man-Child Baller Greg Oden fell short in his quest to become the youngest bearded starting Ohio State center to win the national championship this decade, but only because his beardless teammates weren't able to match his manly efforts. Oden scored 87 points, grabbed 45 rebounds, and blocked 32 shots in a losing effort. Because in sports you're only as strong as your weakest link, Florida was lucky that the rules required Ohio State to field 5 players at all times, otherwise Oden would have played 1 on 5 and easily won the day.
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Man Beard Anti-Semite Mel Gibson has taken his irrational exuberance to Denmark, where some low-life beer brewer tried to stifle Gibson's artistic creativity by naming a beer after his movie Braveheart. No word on whether the brewer was a dirty Jew like all of Gibson's other enemies.
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Speaking of hating Jews, Man Beard Jew King Jesus will be brutally tortured to death this Friday only to come back to life on Sunday. Hooray! Wait, or did that happened in some book from a million years ago but people think it was real? Sometimes we get confused. Either way, Jesus stomps queers big time!
Don't bring a terrible mustache and an inferior comprehension of basketball to the Basketbawful blog, cause they'll fucking manslap the shit out of you.
Mustaches are like the retarded cousins of beards, though there are some exceptions. The intern might have more to say on this topic.
Let's take a break from King Leonidas to report the latest in Man Beard news.
John Amaechi is out and now nobody is safe except for Baller Man Beards like LeBron James, Bill Walton, Scott Pollard, Zydrunas Ilguaskas, Phil Jackson, Greg Oden, and Pau Gasol. The rest of the league is suspect. How many of them are queer, trying to destroy family values with their radical homosexist agenda!!?
I think it is time for Man Beards to wage some preemptive queer-stomping war against ballers who almost certainly have secret WMDs (Wanting of Massive Dongs).
John Starks? British intelligence said he went 2 for 18 from the field the night after his boyfriend broke up with him. STOMP!
Kwame Brown? After he tried to get uranium from Africa, this #1 draft pick couldn't handle the pressure of his secret life (and he is "friends" with Osama). STOMP!
Jeff Foster? Makes sex eyes at every man he sees, including Muslims like the ones who hijacked planes. STOMP!
Dwayne Wade? Damon Jones? No two dudes can walk around together looking this dapper unless they are having sex with each other, and if you disagree you must be a homo-supporter who hates America. DOUBLE-STOMP!
