Man Beard News

Let's take a break from King Leonidas to report the latest in Man Beard news.

• Aging Man Beard Sean Connery would like to come out of acting retirement to play James Bond's father in the next Bond movie. Man Beard Blog is obviously in full support of this, as long as Chuck Norris stays out of it.

• Man Beard Pirate Biologist PZ Myers has a post about his struggles with full-blown piracy: "We're flying the pirate flag outside of our house, but every time we try to move on to the full pirate phase, we run aground on the fact that she thinks she should be the Cap'n, and then there are the swordfights on the stairs and walking the plank and black spots and mutinous crew, and then Skatje stabs us both in the back and declares herself captain. The pirate lifestyle is not a mellow, casual one that encourages cooperation." Hear, hear!
  

• Georgetown is using the playoff beard to acheive NCAA Tournament success.

• Man Beard Cyclist Floyd Landis continues to insist that his manly organism is all he needs to win.

• Divine Man Beard Jesus has been advocating bong hits, to the dismay of various government officials, who insist that Jesus does not actually encourage drug use. Man Beard Blog takes no position on the matter, but does wish to note that Jesus hates all homosexuals regardless of their marijuana use.
  

The Ultimate Beard-Off

We've covered a lot here at Man Beard Blog, but there is still a beardload of bearded man-goodness out there that needs to be blogged.

We all know the equation:

MAN + BEARD + BLOG = MAN BEARD BLOG

But beyond that simple arithmetic is a vast and complex world. A world full of men, full of beards, and full of blogs. A world with beard blogs and man blogs. And most importantly, it is a world full of Man Beards. This is where it all comes together. This is Man Beard Blog.

It isn't always easy.

Tonight as I was reclining upon my fine leather couch, contemplating the next Man Beard Blog entry, I decided that there must be a good number of Man Beards who haven't yet been mentioned in this nascent offering. If this blog was a beard, it would still be a five o'clock shadow. I decided that in order to promote this blog to genuine stubble status, I need to enshrine the greatest remaining Man Beard.

And right as I decided that, the following 8 things all entered my brain within a fraction of a second. Understand that while they are 8 distinct and sequential thoughts, they all exploded into my head together at once, leaving me cowering in fear.

1. How do you decide who is the greatest unmentioned Man Beard?
2. There has to be some kind of massive beard-off.
   
3. Aha! A tournament of single-elimination 1 on 1 beard-offs!
4. Nah, that would be way too much effort.
5. Let's just figure out who would be the finalists of the beard-off.
6. 
7. For the salty love of all beards, this must be.
   
8. Oh fuck, this is impossible.

I spent the next few seconds trying to put the shambles of my life back together. The ultimate beard-off was excruciatingly within my sights, and yet unreachable. Beard arithmetic became beard Pythagorean theorem; there was no answer.

And that is when I realized that no answer is the answer. You just can't pit Sean Connery against Chuck Norris. The mere idea is simply too much for the human mind to comprehend, and we're all better off if we just let it go.