Thursday, December 14, 2006

Introducing Brian, and the story of the Norelco Bodygroom

When I was first contacted by a female emissary from the Phillips Norelco legion of darkness, I was naturally wary. As the founder of Man Beard Blog, the Internet's premier source of Beard Wisdom, I've grown accustomed to being a high profile target for the forces of hairlessness. Her offer of a free Bodygroom device for review on my site seemed harmless on its bald face, but I've conditioned myself to treat all friendliness from bald faces as a likely trap.

As I was trying to decide which orifice to suggest that this devil-woman make the final resting place of her nefarious anti-beard device, my years devoted to the study of Man Warfare "kicked in" as I remembered the wise words of the immortal fighting Man Beard, Chuck Norris:

"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer... that way they're always within your roundhouse kick radius."

I admit I felt rather squeamish about accepting the offer from this representative of http://shaveeverywhere.com/ but I realized that it was my duty to the Man Beard Blog community to conduct and disseminate high-level intelligence on the enemy. I decided that I must study the weapon of my foes, so better to know and defeat them.



Inspecting your opponent's sword is one thing, but actually using it on yourself is another, and a step that I knew I'd be unable to take. So I did what the industrious corporate Man Beards do when they need a dirty job done but don't want to do it themselves.

I took on an intern.

Brian had already made his approval of manscaping a matter of public record, and he's an established facial hair enthusiast. While Man Beard Blog cannot condone the former practice (aside from the obvious conflict between hair removal and beard growing, this level of attentiveness to personal grooming sounds a little gay and we all know that Man Beards stomp queers) we begrudgingly admit the need for help from someone with his expertise in this area, and must admit that his infectious enthusiasm for beards of all shapes and sizes is mysteriously endearing.

I hope everyone establishes the appropriate atmosphere of making Brian feel welcome here in his new role while also constantly reminding him of his obvious lack of Man Beard-ness.

Good work on your first assignment, Brian the Intern. And by the way... eeeewwwww!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...
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Tanya said...

Well if you guys can quit shaving than s can I! Only feminist armpits for me from now on.

adspar said...

Tanya,

You have the soul of a fighting Man Beard trapped in the weak helpless body of a woman that needs to be put in her place, which in this case is in the path of the nearest razor.