Thursday, March 08, 2012

MAN BEARD: Alexander Lukashenko

Alexander Lukashenko recently responded to a gay German's claim that he is a dictator by saying that it is "better to be a dictator than to be gay."  This Belarusian billionaire, previously slandered as "bizarre" and "disturbed" by (blatantly jealous) American officials, is obviously MAN BEARD BLOG's newest Man Beard.

First of all, don't complain that his moustache doesn't qualify as a beard.  MAN BEARD BLOG has long recognized that certain professions require minimal facial hair.  Political and military leaders are often expected to be clean shaven; under such constraints, displaying a high precision moustache like Lukashenko's is a manful way to salvage dignity - and Man Beard eligibility.

Lukashenko's claim to Man Beardhood isn't derived primarily from facial hair, but from his impressive resume of other Man Beard accomplishments.  The fact is that Lukashenko beautifully exemplifies nearly all primary and secondary Man Beard traits.  Aside from his world-renowned queer stomping (a prized Man Beard trait), he must surely have put thousands of women in their place on the way to earning commendation condemnation from the European Union for human rights violations.  Shortly after rising to power he disbanded previous government structures and replaced them with an assembly of his loyal followers, and later did the same with the central bank.  That's not pure regicide, but it ain't fucking bad, is it?  His brutal consolidation of power has put him in God-like control of his country, and his love of song suggests artistic creativity.

The induction of Lukashenko makes him the second brutal dictator to earn official Man Beard status, joining his friend, the late Saddam Hussein.