Sunday, May 25, 2008

Letters to MAN BEARD BLOG

You won't be surprised to learn that MAN BEARD BLOG receives volumes of fan correspondence. Here's the breakdown of the top ten topics of the messages:

  1. 73% - "Dude, Man Beard Blog is awesome! Now I want to grow a sweet beard and kill people! Thanks, Man Beard Blog!"
  2. 59% - "Can I advertise my product/service on Man Beard Blog?"
  3. 57% - "Hey, I'm a Man Beard. You should feature me."
  4. 44% - "Are the authors of Man Beard Blog available to provide sexual pleasure to bored housewives? If so, call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx."
  5. 42% - "Are the authors of Man Beard Blog available to assist lesbian couples to conceive? If so, call us at yyy-yyy-yyyy."
  6. 35% - "I think this site is a disgrace. You all are going to hell!!!!!!"
  7. 33% - "pE NIs ENlarg EMENT. ViagRA. CLICK HERE"
  8. 13% - "I'm having a problem with my beard. Can Man Beard Blog help me?"
  9. 12% - "You should include other types of body hair. Check out these pictures!"
  10. 0.03% - "Regicide is no laughing matter. I have to sleep with one eye open every single night."
The percentages don't add up to 100% because many messages contain multiple of these topics. For example, #4 and #6 are often found in the same sprawling 5 page emails. #5 and #9 are similarly linked.

MAN BEARD BLOG recently received an email with the very rare combination of #3 and #8. You wouldn't think that anyone having problems with his beard could possibly be a Man Beard, and it has already been documented that asking to be a Man Beard probably means you aren't a Man Beard. And yet, here is the email from "Mike."

I have grown my very manly black beard very long and bushy several times now in the hope that a local barber could trim it to match King Leonidas.. I haven't had much luck and am further disappointed that specific trimming instructions are no where to be found on the internet anywhere. There are not even any good pix of the beard specifically that I could print out and use for reference. You are my last, best hope... Can you help??? At the very least, do you have some more pix of "The Beard?" If you can help and I actually find someone to trim it properly... I will send you a pix for your site.
For reference, this is my beard a while back....
Please ignore the pink bathroom and the gray in the beard.
Mike.....



Powerful stuff. Is Mike a Man Beard? You be the judge:



Clearly he has the raw beard-growing talent to be a Man Beard. And he's wisely chosen King Leonidas, owner of the perfect beard, as his beard role model. He's ambitious, has nothing but disdain for proper grammar, and puts his woman in her place by only allowing her to decorate that bathroom.

So what does the MAN BEARD BLOG community have to say about this situation. Can we help young Mike?

1 comment:

Kiora said...

Good for people to know.