Saturday, March 03, 2007

How not to be a Man Beard

A few days ago someone named Bird Advocate left a few comments (here and here). They were a little awkward and somewhat confrontational, but Man Beard Blog decided to go easy on him. But subsequent events, which will be explained later, have made it necessary to make a lesson of this sad and lonely avian enthusiast. And so I give you:

How Not To Be a Man Beard
The case of Bird Advocate/Scooter

1.) Do not question or criticize Man Beard Blog or its authors. This only makes you look stupid and weak and beardless.

2.) Do not, under any circumstances, question or criticize Man Beard Blog or its authors. We are Man Beard Blog, and you are not. Get that straight right now.

3.) Don't beg Man Beard Blog to include you. What kind of self-respecting Man Beard whines and snivels about not being listed on a crappy internet web log? I'll remind you of the way an original Man Beard approached this:

When you've not only been blessed with a salt-and-pepper masterpiece, but you've also been a member of Steely Dan and the Doobie Brothers, you don't politely ask to be included on the Man Beard List. You demand to be listed, and if your demands are not met, you simply slaughter your way to the top. That is the Michael McDonald way.
4.) After being softly chided, don't come back and try to post yet another criticism of Man Beard Blog, and definitely don't accidentally post that criticism under your alternate blogger name, and when you realize that you posted under the wrong name, don't draw attention to your mishap by trying to erase it, and don't let people realize that you have a "team" blog where the other "team member" is just you posting under a different name, and most especially don't let your alternate blogger identity be a woman. Stupid non-Man Beards don't seem to realize that blogger can automatically email me when someone posts a comment, even if they later delete it:
Scooter has left a new comment on your post "The Man Beard that never was":

I have yet to see pictures of your beards. I would think it logical to believe it would take a man with an awesome beard to know what to look for in another's beard.
I personally haven't spent much effort or expense in the cultivation of my current crop, but I am still rather proud of it.
My beard has already been published and registered on several international sites, so it's not like it has been ignored.
This is just a sad situation, and I hope Bird Scooter someday resolves his/her sexual identity crisis and makes some friends, but there is no doubt that Man Beard Blog emerges victorious as always.

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