Friday, August 01, 2008

Beard Humor?

Part of our job here at MAN BEARD BLOG is to stay abreast of important developments in bearding and beard-related matters, so as to have a positive impact on the greater beard community. One such matter is beard humor, so we've been known to scour the internet for the latest beard jokes. This is a popular offering, available in several of the top Google hits:

A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard. "Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."

James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!"

"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice...

"Oh really, I can't," he replies..."My wife loves this beard!!"

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in.

That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping. The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"
Man Beard Blog is frightfully alarmed at the state of beard humor if this is one of the best offerings. We're not even sure if it is really a joke. It might be mildly funny if the punchline was that a man with such a healthy beard that he can maintain regular sexual relations with two women would consider shaving said beard at the request of one of said women. That really wouldn't have been a punchline, more like an amusing premise. The source of the humor is that we all know that such a man would, in reality, flatly deny the indecent request, and proceed to put said woman in her place with some combination of witty insults and physical violence. It is fairly amusing juxtaposition, we'll grant. (In fact we're having a little chuckle now just thinking about it.)

But that can't even be the purported punchline, because the "joke" keeps going, and in fact takes a dark turn as James actually succumbs to the whims of this vile tempstress. No explanation is offered for this catastophic blunder blundering catastrophe tragic devastation devastating tragedy massive fuck-up.

In the end, the whole thing seems more like a Samson and Delilah parable (a story told in our book) than a joke, as James loses his wife's love (to a beardless coward, Michael) along with his beard. All we've learned from this sordid tale is that pogonotomy leads to cuckoldry, which, while a valuable lesson, we don't find the least bit funny.


The Scribe of Rotten Hill said...

I'm new to the world of the hirsute, so I'm not sure if I'm reaching out or what.

I think I grew my beard for the sake of my band, but then again I'm currently the only band member with one so maybe I'm even in denial about that!

It's a confusing workd out there for the freshly bearded, to be sure.

adspar said...

Scribe, if you're confused about beards, you have come to the right place. I'd urge you to read everything ever published on Man Beard Blog, multiple times. The wisdom to be found in our archives is truly the buried treasure of the internet. Enjoy our booty, and enjoy your beard.

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Shane said...

my wife asked me to shave it off & i replied, "what can i do? its growing on me..."

when she asked a second time "...not by the hair of my chinny chin chin..." i shouted.