Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Man Beard Nomination: Tristan

A previously unknown Man Beard Blog enthusiast, Brutus, recently posted this comment on an old post.

I didn't know how to put this on the site but I was watching a movie last night and discovered a wonderful manbeard...Tristan, from Legends of the Fall. Brad Pitt is the perfect embodiment of all that makes one a Man Beard. First, he sports a masterful beard throughout most of the movie. This beard was not part of his character at the beginning of the movie, but as he started to progress to the seventh level of crazy, the beard was grown as a warning to the world, “watch yourself, I’ll fuckin murder you.” He murders many, many animals of all species on several continents. He also kills many men and finds it necessary to take out their still beating heart and hold it in his hands, how’s that for man-beard status. He makes love and demoralizes all women in his path, even if they date or are set to be married to his own brothers (both brothers by the way are devoid of beard- serves them right), and speaks Cherokee Indian, due to his best friend in the film being an Indian Warrior, Two Stab (are you shitting me, Two Stab)… He also killed two men of the town Helena, Montana that were in a sense, the “Kings” of bootlegging. This substantiates Regicide in a very flagrant public display as well, since everyone in the town knew it was him. He obviously has testicles because he impregnates his wife in the end of the movie twice… As a sidenote, his wife is an indian girl half of his age, true Man Beard style, get em while their young… Irrational exuberance is demonstrated several times by this character throughout the movie. For instance his last arrival home after a decade traveling the world he made his entrance preceded by 25-30 horses that he had corralled himself just to signify his arrival. Pretty irrational if you ask me. Piracy is a large part of this characters image and was confirmed when we watch him travel the world via an actual pirate ship, with sails and a crew… He also came back from these trips with booty for his family… Artistic creativity did not seem like his strongest Man Beard character trait, but there were scenes in which he paints his face before slaughtering all pathetic non-beards that stand in his path… Fact- Brad Pitt is a fierce Man Beard in this Flick…

Man Beard Blog has not seen this movie, and cannot offer any further opinion on that matter, except to say that Brutus makes a strong fucking case.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Man Beard Blog is truly a jewel for those of us who aspire to the heights of manhood that can only be represented by the Beard. My neighbour is a Man Beard, and I think his name might be Jesus. At least I think he thinks his name is Jesus. I am astounded by his irrational exuberance, his ability to put all women in their place, and his fondness for fraud and hypocrisy. He is an accomplished braggart, liar, trespasser, thief, and vandal as well. I would like to send you his picture someday.... Until then, however, have you ever considered doing something about Captain Smith of the Titanic? Truly a gifted Man Beard! One of the Great Ones. He demonstrated so clearly to the unshaven half-men his huge testicles by steaming full speed into an ice field. I would love to see an article on Captain Smith! Perhaps include a few shots of his magnificent white beard as well!

goooooood girl said...

Very good......