Friday, April 06, 2007

Secondary Man Beard Characteristics

We all know the list of things that make you a Man Beard:

  • beards (this is #1)
  • putting women in their place
  • irrational exuberance
  • regicide
  • divinity
  • stomping queers
  • testicles
  • artistic creativity
  • piracy

Here are some other traits that have a high correlation with Man Beardness:
  • Wealth - The Man Beard is a powerful figure, and money is the official scorecard of power. Consequently, many Man Beards amass great personal fortunes, often through conquest, plunder, and album sales.
  • Muscles - The power of the Man Beard often is as physical as the beard itself. King Leonidas sets the Man Beard standard for muscles against which we all shall be judged.
  • Disdain - Contempt is a Man Beard personality characteristic that was well demonstrated by Saddam Hussein and his beard. Even in his final hour he demonstrated his disdain for lesser men by mocking their inferiority and manlessness. A Man Beard know that he is better than everyone else, and he takes pride in reminding them of that indisputable fact.
  • Proximity to Breasts - In spite of the importance of putting women in their place, a Man Beard still can't go anywhere without fine ladies begging him for the fruit of his testicles. These harlots are often the objects of a Man Beard's haughty disdain (and sometimes the victims of his violent rage). Any time spent with a woman is time not spent stomping queers; Man Beards have their priorities straight.


Anonymous said...

Would you consider removing "stomping queers" from the site? It does not have anything to do with beards, in fact many people who are gay have had great, even ground-breaking beards.

adspar said...

perhaps you've mistaken MAN BEARD BLOG for a gay rights blog, or a beards and human decency blog, or something like that. you're WAY OFF. MAN BEARD BLOG doesn't care about your delicate sensibilities, or anything else of the gay nature like that.

all that being said, if there's a sweet gay beard that breaks grounds, MAN BEARD BLOG will be there, up in it, celebrating it in style.

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