Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The Man Beard that never was

It is hard not to feel betrayed when you look at those pictures. I find it painful to behold a once-glorious Man Beard hacked up into a grotesque distortion of his former self. How could The Gambler have fallen so far? How could the great Country Man Beard show up on American Idol looking like Michael Jackson circa 2000?

Man Beard Blog thanks Mike for bringing this issue to our attention. Eric has also suggested that Kenny's Man Beard status should be revoked. This brings up a difficult question: once a man earns Man Beard status, can it be taken away? Is the Man Beard strictly held to Man Beard standards forever, or has he earned the right to slip up now and then?

Luckily, we won't be forced to answer these questions because Kenny Rogers was never a Man Beard to begin with. Did you actually read that shit?! Not only does he openly admit to having plastic surgery in his mid-60s to reduce the appearance of aging, he says that he had "a lot more a long time ago" and that Dolly Parton used to "kid" him about it!

Is this a fucking joke? Not only was his entire Man Beard appearance just freak science from the very beginning, but he was mocked by Dolly Parton. I don't care that he makes delicious chicken, no Man Beard takes shit from a bimbo with boobs bigger than her cranium.

If all that isn't bad enough he goes on to cry that the media made him hack up his face:

But like everybody I blame the media for it. The first six years of my career, I got more comments on my weight than on my singing. So I think I became so self-conscious that I started working on it harder.

I think when you'’re in the public eye, you feel a pressure to stay younger looking. I guess that'’s what makes the guys who don'’t do it so special. I've always said that gray hair looks good on everybody but yourself. To me, it makes me look old.
Seriously, this guy totally pulled a fast one on us, being listed as a Man Beard for 23 hours. At least he seems to know what a huge joke he is. Man Beard blog knows when to walk away and when to run. And it is time to run away from Kenny Rogers.


Eric said...

I feel so betrayed. PS there was a rumor on the radio this morning that Dolly Parton died today, I haven't been able to confirm it though.

Misty Peppers said...

eric, i also heard the same rumor. according to Dead or Alive Big Tits McGee is still kickin'

Brian said...

I also feel tricked. this is worse than not having a beard at all.

i also heard that rumor. i wonder if you guys were also listening to the junkies when that guy called in to report it. i hope she is still alive, but if she is then it means that guy got everyone. the junkies tend to be pretty good about recognizing fake callers or people who are just trying to give shout outs...

iceguy said...

Ouch. Iceguy would like to apologize to all man-beard-ologists out there for even thinking that Kenny Rogers deserved to be listed in this pantheon. I feel as though I have disrespected all who have tolied to earn the title of "Man Beard."

Iceguy would like to redeem himself by nominating the great Walter Sobchak for Man-Beard status.

Bird Advocate said...

I will have to nominate myself, since none of you have. Would you care to take my word for my beard's sheer awesomeness, or will this require pictures?

adspar said...


Typically self-nomination is frowned upon. If you have an awesome beard, there is a change you might be a Man Beard. I see that you like hunting cats, which doesn't really sound like an especially manly sport, but there might be some elements of irrational exuberance there that redeem you. Keep being your bearded self and hopefully someday you'll get the recognition you deserve.

Scooter said...
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