beard powerhouses

Man Beard Blog has traditionally emphasized the bearding achievements of individuals, but today we'd like to pay tribute to the top 3 groups of people whose bearded accomplishments are worthy of special admiration.

1. The top spot on any list of group beardery has got to be the Amish. These guys are the total package: devout* bearding for life, their own unique beard style (no mustache!), and they made fine breads and cheeses for sale in local markets. They keep their women pregnant and in the kitchens, and if you need to do something manly like raise a barn on short notice, you'd be wise to call your bearded Amish friend.



2. Al-Qaeda dramatically crashed into the bearding scene in 2001 and they've been making noise ever since. Their lifelong commitment to beardhood is every bit as strong as the Amish, and they even have charismatic bearded leadership, in Osama Bin Laden and Ayman Zawahiri (pictured at right), who have popularized Islamic beardedness like no others. They live in caves, which is manly as fuck, and let us not overlook their talent for putting women in their place (behind dark cloth from head to toe!). Their only weakness is that their young Man Beard prospects tend to have so much irrational exuberance that they sacrifice themselves before achieving mature beard excellence, so they have a depleted farm system of future Man Beards.

3. Those goofy guys with the long twirlies on the sides of their heads are the proud owners of The Chosen Beards. Hasidim have been growing beards since Moses used his beard to part the Red Sea. They could be higher on this list, except that they're always being persecuted because of their beards, which could be interpreted as a sign of weakness within the Man Beard community. Nevertheless, they've used the magical powers of their beards to endure for hundreds of generations.




*The astute reader will not be at all surprised that all of these groups are religious fundamentalists. Divinity is a well-known Man Beard trait; Man Beards manifesting this trait include Jesus, Charles Darwin, and Zeus. Fundamentalists are the most irrationally exuberant lovers and followers of deities, and killers of kings, and thus we would expect to find some powerhouses of bearding within the fundamentalist communities. Praise be to beard!