Saturday, February 03, 2007

Feline Man Beard!?

Walt claims to own a Man Beard Cat. I'm not sure if Man Beard status can apply to a non-human, although there are probably some Man Beard chimps and gorillas out there. But can Man Beard extend beyond the primates? I doubt it, but this is a strong case:

my cat may not be a normal man-cat. he may be a man-beard-cat. although not a proper beard, he does have a downwards-pointing triangle of white fur amidst all the black at the top of his chest right under his mouthb. he puts bitches in their place by making my girlfriend pick up his shit. his attempts to commit regicide are well-documented, through his several attempts to trip me on the stairway, and the one time he knocked a rather large wall mirror over onto my head. irrational exuberance is covered basically by being losing his damn mind as soon as anyone either wakes up or comes home. unfortunately, he takes a big hit in the categories of queer stomping and testicles, since he doesn't know what a queer is and is neutered. i'm also not so sure how artistic creativity and divinity could be applied to a cat.

4 comments:

Walt said...

fucking cats.

Brian said...

i think it sounds like walt has a man beard cat. i dont know why i always assumed man beards were limited to just men... your cat may be paving the way for other man bearded animals who otherwise would have gone unnoticed.

adspar said...

If animals can be Man Beards, this article includes a list of homicidal beasts that deserve consideration.

Walt said...

I submit that the dude mentioned in the first part of that article should be posthumously exalted as man beard. He obviously passes initial qualifications by possessing a beard; this much cannot be disputed. Tragically, it is too late to measure his attempts at regicide and queer stomping, but the irrational exuberance of living with 5000 scorpions for 21 days cannot be denied. Also, it should be immediately obvious that spending 40 days among 400 reptilian emissaries of satan is a modern day representation of jesus's 40 day fast in the desert. Don't believe me? Just ask God himself. He is available by prayer at this very moment.